Relationship is one of the most critical thing to understand. The main pillar of any relationship is our emotional bonding. We do not have any control on our emotions, it will come by own way through our pure heart feeling. Our emotional feelings are changing as time and age grows.
Our bond of relationship starts with mother and later in adulthood a new emotional bond adds up in life as life partner. We have highest emotional bonding from both relationships but a very small difference makes apart both and that is “Expectation”
Our expectations are very less from our mother but we have highest expectation from our life partner. Our expectations form mother are very natural but our expectations from life partner are very unnatural. The main reason is our social infrastructure which is creating big difference between both the relationships.
Starting from infant age our heart feelings are more dominant over mind, since mother is with us from our infant age our heart feeling is more with her. As age grows, our heart feeling is getting slowly shadowed by our mind and by reaching adulthood we are taking most of the decision by our mind and suddenly a relationship enters in our life as “Life Partner”.
Relationship forms due to emotional bonding from heart, it will help to make emotional relationship with life partner very fast at initial stage and then why after marriage emotional bonding generally flew away ?
Few reasons are influencing emotion bonding between life partners.
Our social system is considering marriage as a family event and its treats like a marriage between two families. After marriage life partners are mostly govern by their families ethics. They are following the family traditions, rules and by doing that slowly they are realizing unseen pressure on them. This pressure is creating frustration which generally life partners are releasing on each other and this is start creating opinion differences among life partners. Gradually emotional bonding between life partners are getting weaken.
Also some kind of hatred feeling towards spouse family members start developing in mind and other partner is realising that their soul mate is not respecting their near & dear family members. Continuing with same home environment with family, life partners are feeling apart.
This is happening with most of the couples. Even after living separately from their family the hatred still continues and it is not allowing to make emotional bonding between life partners.
Tendency to dream
As we are growing up from childhood to adulthood our tendency for dreaming and making dreams into reality grows up. We always fanaticised with childhood stories and these stories take us in different dream world.
In these stories we generally learnt about a prince who is waiting for princes like angle, very beautiful, charming, loving and girl of his dreams. From childhood the prince is searching his beautiful angle and making all effort to find her and end of the story finally he impressed her and got married with her. Princes is giving all love to prince forever and they are living happily whole life.
Same way in other stories a princes is waiting for prince who is smart, handsome, charming, loving, caring and boy of her dreams. This princes is searching her dream boy and making all effort to find him and end of the story finally she got him and married with him. Prince is giving all love, gifts to princes and they are living happily.
But life is reality not dream world. We all are human and will behave like human not like angel nor prince of dream world. While starting of married life we are searching angle or prince of dream world in our life partner who has all qualities of prince or princes who is perfect and get all the things in life. And slowly we are realising that our life partner is not like these dream’s character.
This is very natural that we are behaving like normal human not like character of dream stories and slowly we are realising that our life partner is not like a perfect prince or not like a perfect princes. Slowing un-satisfaction start making place in our heart and the love & affection towards life partner is slowing disappearing.
We all know that there is no dream world. We are living in real world. Problems will come in way of life and some problems we can handle but some we may not. We should not expect our life partner should act like dream characters who can handle everything successfully.
Also we should accept the fact that to get the princes we also should have quality of prince or to get the prince we should have quality of princes. We should behave like a normal human which is very natural and we should not expect anything unnatural from our life partners. If we understand this small things, the relationship with life partner can become better.
We have grown up with the dreams & ambitions and to fulfil we are making all efforts. We are running behind these dreams, putting all best possible efforts and we are expecting others to help to fulfil our dreams. Our expectation from others are always more. To fulfil our dreams & ambitions we are searching a life partner who can help to fulfil the dreams related to finance, showcasing image in society, luxury living etc.
A relationship which should with emotional bonding now a days starting with commercial bonding which is laying foundation of weak relationship. If things are going well, relationship will continue with long way but in any difficult time it weaken very easily. Sustainability of such relationship cannot run for longer period. If expectations from each other are very high and it is difficult to fulfil. Expectation from each other is the main problem in any relationship which keep both life partners unhappy.
We are always expecting a perfect men or women in our life partner and after marriage we generally realising that our life partner is not perfect as we want. Both should understand that they born and brought up with different home environment, circumstances, social environment so their habits, ambitions, way of living, way of doing things and many more things cannot be the same but expectation from each other are always to become like same as they are. This is main problem between the life partners. If they simply accept this small thing and accept the way of living of each other, then things can go very smoothly.
This is main pillar of any relationship.
“Respect to others make human humble”
This respect is more important than love as this will take the relationship in long way in real world.
In present time people are becoming more educated and getting higher qualifications. This education is giving way of life to earn more, make respect in society, helping dream into reality but same time it is creating arrogance in us and this is damaging relationship between life partners. This is stopping to respect each other.
Becoming financial independent make a person to live freely without any bounding but in India marriage is making us more responsible and this responsibility start with your parents, kids and society. You cannot live so freely ignoring all your responsibility. Most of the people are fantasied with marriage and not accepting the reality that marriage will force you to be responsible and after marriage feeling so dis-comfortable and want to live life as a bachelor where you don’t have any responsibility. This non acceptance of responsibility or forcefully accepting the responsibility is creating big dissatisfaction in relationship between life partners. Due to this load of responsibility, life partners are disrespecting each other which is creating wide gap in relationship among them.
In course of searching life partner, the main focus is always to get the best life partner. Human nature is always to impress other to create best impression and this is creating big problems in life after marriage. Before marriage just to impress, life partner is creating false impression by good talks, behaviour & good thought and hiding their real behaviour. After marriage, soon you realise that your life partner is entirely different what he/she has presented before marriage and then dissatisfaction start developing which is making apart the life partners.
The building of relationship cannot made on foundation of false presentation. Such relationship has no soul. They feel like cheated and it is breaking emotional bond between life partners.
Relationship should always be on the truth and on real behaviour.
Carrying bad legacy
Childhood age is very delectated especially from 3 years till age 15. In these years we are watching all good & bad things happening in our home & society and it is creating impression in our mind. In bachelorhood most of the people are not realizing but after marriage people start comparing most of the things with past life. They are presuming that in course of life the society will be like what they have seen in past. If in childhood someone has seen bad practices or bad relations in home environment or in society, they carry bad impression in mind and especially after marriage start presuming and comparing with others like bad relatives or society people. This will make person defensive and aggressive on those relations. This aggressiveness towards life partner’s relatives will make other partner dis-comfortable and start creating differences between life partners.
In real life, all our near n dear and our relatives will not be the same as you have seen in childhood.
Easy way out
Any relationship should have emotional bonding which can only take relationship in longer run. Blood relationships are the relationship which cannot be break by any court of law. We can make distance in relationship. In case of life partners, it is as good as like blood relationship. Only by their relationship they have child which is creating real blood relationship between life partners which cannot break by any Law. But as Law is allowing to break the relationship by divorce so people use to take this as easy way out to come out with relationship.
One should understated that law is separating life partners only based on critical circumstances like harassment, metal torcher etc……not based on wishes. Law is not mend to break relationship, it will only for protection of the person in case of life threat or torcher.
Relationship of life partners will remains for long if they respect each other and listen to each other but dominant attitude is not allowing to listen & respect other and gives kind of one sided order. Other partner feels suppressed. Sometime they will reciprocate and sometime not reacting on it just to avoid any dispute in relationship but in long run this behaviour is creating wide gap in emotional bonding between the partners.
Even this dominant attitude is not allowing to make other relationship stronger either with friends or family.
Adjustment with the circumstances
After marriage most of the life partners are adjusting with rude behaviour of other partner and they are living whole life without any emotional bonding. For any good relationship both person should respect each other but in real life one partner is most of time yelling on other partner. Just to avoid the conflict other partner is adjusting with the rude behaviour of partner with current circumstances and living together whole life without soul in relationship.
In our country many life partners are going through with this problem. They are compromising with the situation and adjusting with circumstances.
Soul in relationship can be retained ?
Yes it can be retained if efforts can be made by both the life partners.
In our life we are facing many problems and most of the problem in life falls into two category, one is created by self or your life partner and other is by natural.
To better understand, if life partner is having differences in any issues which are making life more critical between them, then this problem is falls into category called “problem created by self”. Such type of problems in relationship can take relationship till separation but these kind of problem can be easily resolved by wise understanding.
Other problem category which is natural like if someone is having serious accident and admitted in hospital. Such problem falls into “natural problems” which cannot be resolved by understanding.
So by better understanding, to respect each other, to understand other’s feeling, accepting each other the way they are and any such understandable way of life can make strong bonding between life partners.
One should understand that to make relationship strong, emotional bonding is very necessary. We have seen many people in society those are criticising the relationship but in any difficult time they forgot everything and giving all support to that relation.
Many children are criticising their parent but when they came to know their parent’s illness, they forgot everything and rush to take care of them. This is just happen naturally due to emotional bonding.
So do all your best effort to make relationship with your life partner strong with emotional bonding which only can happen when both partners will participate equally to build strong relationship by better understanding, to respect each other, to understand other’s feeling and accepting each other the way they are.